Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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