i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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