I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
