I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
