I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
