I cockslap morals
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
