final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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