Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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