ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
