Are we in a gay sports bar?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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