my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize