Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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