upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
