I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
