Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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