I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
