don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's get the cat blown out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
