All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How external is "for external use only"?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
