Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
