im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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