and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize