just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
