Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
