Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
