I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
