you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
