he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
