You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He better not be in your backpack
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
