i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
