You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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