I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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