Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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