my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
