Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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