i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Randomize
