You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
