My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize