She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize