i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize