yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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