i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
