So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
