He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
