her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
