My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
