im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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