The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
