So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
