someone get that fucking seahorse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
