I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize