Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We have started to decorate penises.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
