My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
