it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
