ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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