We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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