Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
