this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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