M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
