so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
