I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
