im about as happy as oj after his trial
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
