I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your topless pictures make me question reality
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
