i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
