Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
