dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
